Infertility and Adoption


There is absolutely nothing that makes “no sense” (even using a double negative to write my point) more than vicious commenters on news stories in regards to someone that is suffering through infertility and then horrible commenters writing about one’s need to not have their own biological children because there are children in the world waiting for adoption.

Both are huge.  Infertility /the want for a biological child.

And adoption.

Both = huge.  One does not erase another.

What does get me, however, are the evil commenters out there making their personal remarks so callously about one person’s real life.

Gabrielle Union is in the process of releasing a memoir, writing that her “body has been a prisoner of trying to get pregnant.”

Here is a woman, Gabrielle Union, that is sharing honestly her struggles with infertility and the suffering and loss that she and her husband have gone through to get to where they want to be, and all I read are the evil people out there spouting statistics on your body, how many eggs you have, how many children need adopting, and everything in between.

As a woman that suffered multiple times through infertility and struggled with adoption, nothing in either case is easy.

First of all, it is absolutely normal and okay for you and your body and your spouse to want a biological child.  THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.  This makes you real and human and all the feels in between.

If it was not such a heartbreakingly real thing, then women would not suffer through desperation, depression, and all sorts of medical invasions to become so.

My biological clock really began ticking about 3 years after I was married, nearing 30 years old.  It was very hard to absolutely never prevent a pregnancy and yet watch everyone else have one.  And then another.  And another.

Eventually my body and my tumor (pituitary), must have found a common ground and decided to work together to give us our first sweet miracle.  And, we, of course, give God all the credit — especially in timing, as we were in the process of opening our transition center for homeless and recovering men (The New Life Center).  But it did not take away from the despair that was within me.

That despair made me human.  It made me a woman.  It made me real.

I love adoption.  I have the BEST family members ever because of this beautiful gift.  And they make me happy.

My husband and I have always wanted to adopt and still plan to.

But NONE of that should take away the pain in my very soul that I felt when I was struggling through infertility and wanting more than anything in the world for my body to bear my/our own child.

If you are one of those horrible little people out there that like to comment on the statistics of adoption and wanting children out there, take it to your journal and comment to yourself.

The world knows the statistics and works extremely hard to find people and homes that are open to bringing in children from the United States and all over the world.  And God bless each home that opens for the orphans and abandoned in the world.  God bless them greatly indeed.

If you are one of those horrible little people out there that like to comment on the statistics of the hungry and suffering, take it to your journal and comment there.

There are good and righteous people all over the world finding, feeding, and trying to save these children.  And may God bless them.  Bless them all.

But what you do from the keyboard of your computer in the littleness of your vile mind is build up hatred and unwarranted sentiment towards people that are suffering real pain.

Shouting adoption will never erase the pain of infertility.

Shouting statistics will never eradicate the pulse of a heart of a woman yearning to bear her own children.

Shouting your self-righteous opinions will not change the tears that will flow down infertile women’s cheeks month after month as they realize another chance has passed.

I suffered infertility.

5 years for our first child.

5 years for our second—that we did not get to keep.

And in consecutive years of 12 and 14 years of marriage, God gave us two as I approached 40.

Just as my egg basket became emptier, our home became fuller.

Sometimes in life, infertility does not just strike those that you “deem” waited too long or are “too” late.

Sometimes infertility just strikes.

And that is a very real thing.

2 thoughts on “Infertility and Adoption

  1. I will never forget 12 weeks scanning for our first child. Big computer screen and silent doctor. Somehow I knew what I was looking at. My dead baby. My all dreams, hope. The doctor left to get second opinion. I knew that there where no hope. No heartbeat no life.
    I went throug this 3 times before I got alive child.
    Today I’m a mum to 3 boys. When I hear question didn’t you want a girl I think that I have children. Healthy, happy children. It doesn’t matter that it’s a boy or girl because I’m a mum. I truly hated to be pregnant. This fear, will it die today? No baby moves in the stomach for few hours and I would panic. I could hardly look at other pregnant women. I was jealous. I thought that I was very “unlucky”.
    Today I know, I’m not the only one.
    There is so much more behind all these happy pictures which we are pasting on line. Fear, anger, desperation. And lost of LOVE.

    Liked by 1 person

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